


Oh Lord Is This My Ship Coming In?

by OwenToDawn



Series: The People Who Love Song Minho Club [4]
Category: Block B, Show Me the Money (Korea TV), Winner (Band)
Genre: Catholic Guilt, Catholicism, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fantasizing, First Time Blow Jobs, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Religious Imagery & Symbolism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 12:08:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22717867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OwenToDawn/pseuds/OwenToDawn
Summary: Jiho has a phone now, one separate from his personal phone, with the numbers of the people he and Minho regularly fuck around with under dumb pseudonyms. It’s used exclusively for coordinating hook-ups. He’s probably being overly paranoid. It’s mostly because his contact list is so big in his own phone now that he’s terrified of texting the wrong person the wrong thing. The second, secret phone solves that fear.At least until it pings with a message from an unknown number.
Relationships: Song Minho | Mino/Woo Jiho | Zico, Song Minho | Mino/Woo Jiho | Zico/Lee Byungyoon | BewhY, Woo Jiho | Zico/Lee Byungyoon | BewhY
Series: The People Who Love Song Minho Club [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1616827
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	Oh Lord Is This My Ship Coming In?

**Author's Note:**

> So! I have a lot to say in this A/N sorry in advance. 
> 
> First, thank you to Bo for letting me pick his brain repeatedly about how to write about catholicism in a way that isn't inaccurate while talking about reconciling queerness with one's faith. He was absolutely instrumental in this fic actually being written
> 
> Second, thank you to bbymino for giving me this idea in the first place for mentioning BewhY's existence and providing me with many videos and pictures for fodder.
> 
> Third, let me know if you think I need to add any tags. I tried to be mindful of everything that comes up but I know it's a touchy subject
> 
> Finally, comments are loved! I hope you enjoy this. I want to write a follow up for Byungyoon once I finish watching all of SMTM 5 and consuming all his music 
> 
> Title from The Charge by Cake Bake Betty which I listed to a lot while writing this

Jiho has a phone now, one separate from his personal phone, with the numbers of the people he and Minho regularly fuck around with under dumb pseudonyms. It’s used exclusively for coordinating hook-ups. He’s probably being overly paranoid. It’s mostly because his contact list is so big in his own phone now that he’s terrified of texting the wrong person the wrong thing. The second, secret phone solves that fear.

At least until it pings with a message from an unknown number.

He freezes, staring at the phone that sits face up next to his empty takeout containers. It’s late. He’s not in his studio for once, but his office. Because he’s a CEO. With an office. And someone he doesn’t know has the phone number that’s exclusively used for him and his secret boyfriend to hook up with other people. The phone pings again and startles him out of his paralysis. He grabs his phone and unlocks it.

_Unknown Number: Hey it’s Byungyoon (12:05 AM)_

_Unknown Number: is this Jiho? (12:07 AM)_

Byungyoon…Jiho can only think of one Byungyoon, that being the incredibly devout Catholic and definitely heterosexual BewhY. That just makes Jiho’s heart pound harder. He doesn’t really _know_Byungyoon, but he knows a lot of conservative Catholics and he knows they’d be pissed if they found out just how much of a sinner he was. But would Byungyoon have enough proof to out him? And Minho? The phone pings again and halts his racing thoughts.

_Unknown Number: Minho gave me this number but if this is a prank or something, I’d like to know now (12:10 AM)_

Jiho takes a steadying breath and checks the time again. There’s still another two hours before one of his favorite quiet bars closes down. It’s a Wednesday too so it should be mostly empty.

_Jiho: If you are who you say you are, meet me at this address (12:12 AM)_

He sends the bar location off. He could text Minho to see if he _had_given out Jiho’s secret number, but if he didn’t, the last thing he wants to do is make Minho panic when he has a comeback to focus on. It’s fine. He’ll handle this on his own.

-.-

He’s nursing a beer in the back corner of the nearly empty bar when he sees Byungyoon step inside. It’s comforting to know at least that part hadn’t been a lie. He lifts his hand in greeting. He watches Byungyoon sneak a look over his shoulder before he heads for Jiho’s table, shoulders hunched up. It’s not like he really knows Byungyoon well enough to tell for sure, but he doesn’t seem like his usual self. He’s…defensive. And Jiho hasn’t even opened his mouth yet.

He takes a seat across from Jiho without a word. His knee bounces hard enough to knock against the table and he flushes when Jiho reaches out to steady his drink. Jiho finds it a bit difficult to be concerned about being outed now. There’s no way the man in front of him is about to blackmail him. Not when fear is held in every inch of his body.

“It’s just me,” Jiho says, keeping his voice low and relaxed. “Just two guys chatting in a bar after a late night of work.”

“Easy for you to say,” Byungyoon says with a rough exhale.

Jiho waits for him to elaborate, but when he doesn’t, his own concern continues to mount. “So…that number. You really got it from Minho?”

Byungyoon nods, the motion stiff and jerky. “It was a while ago. Maybe he forgot, or thought I was…I think he thought I was messing with him. He said I should talk to you.”

“Talk to me about what? Work?” It takes everything in him to stay calm and not let any of his frustration bleed through. The last thing he needs is to spook Byungyoon into running.

“Do you still go to church?” Byungyoon asks in a rush.

Jiho blinks, startled by the way Byungyoon stares at him like Jiho holds the keys to the universe. “I…yes. Not every week, but I go.”

“And you…you think you’ll go to Heaven?”

Jiho’s heart beeats hard enough he can feel it in his ribs, in his throat. He’d suspected something like this. Jiho doesn’t preach the way Byungyoon does, but he does wear his faith on his sleeve and chest and back. He’s never run from it.

"Yes,” he says. “I believe I will.”

“But you’re…”

For a moment, the world seems to freeze. He can see clearly what will happen if he tells Byungyoon to fuck off. He’ll leave, bury himself deeper into a closet, and maybe self-destruct in a spectacular fashion with no one really knowing why. Or, he can try to help. He’s no religious scholar, but he’s long past the point of begging for forgiveness for loving Minho.

“What is it that you think I am?” Jiho asks, sliding his beer glass to the side so he can lean on the table.

Byungyoon looks down at his own clasped hands. “You’re gay. You like men.”

"Yeah. I am and I do,” Jiho says with more bravery than he feels.

"So then you _can’t…_” Byungyoon stops himself and shakes his head. “You can’t go to Heaven if you act on it.”

“Minho says if you do enough Hail Mary’s you can do whatever the fuck you want, but he’s not like you and me,” Jiho says. “But I’ll be honest, I stopped asking for forgiveness about this over a decade ago.”

“Then why call yourself Catholic?” Byungyoon asks, finally looking up at him. The fear Jiho sees there makes his stomach roll.

“Because no one gets to come between me and God. Your best friend is Sungmin, isn’t it? Where do you think he’s going?”

It’s a low blow, and Jiho almost regrets it when Byungyoon flinches.

"I…that’s different,” Byungyoon says.

“It’s really not,” Jiho says. He leans back and resists the urge to rub his temples. “Look. I’m not…if you want someone to tell you you’re bad for wanting to fuck or love a man, go to a confessional. I’m not going to help you hide yourself.”

“That’s not…or…it _wasn’t_what I wanted you to do,” Byungyoon says. “I don’t know what I wanted.”

"Would you really trust my word over that of your priest or pastor?” Jiho asks. “Really?”

Byungyoon shifts to shove his hands in his pockets, biting at his lower lip as he thinks. “I…guess I don’t really have a choice. What they tell me….if it’s true, I’m screwed. I can’t keep denying part of who I am, not when everything I’ve done to avoid sin hasn’t made this part go away.”

It’s more reflection and self-awareness than Jiho would’ve expected Byungyoon to be capable of given how cagey he’s been since stepping into the bar. But then, he and Byungyoon _do_have a lot in common. Ambition like theirs is meaningless without the ability to know where to point it, and they can only know that by knowing themselves.

“I can’t teach you how to make yourself right with God,” Jiho says. “And I’m not gonna try. But if you want a friend, I can do that, and if you and Minho want to mess around, I don’t mind that either. Minho loves helping people with sex.”

Byungyoon coughs around something close to a laugh. “He uh…said something similar when I hit on him.”

Jiho stares at him, shocked. “You…hit on Minho?”

“I didn’t mean to. He took my words to mean something else and I just laughed. And then it got awkward so I…I left after he gave me your number.”

“That explains it a lot. It’s my phone I use to arrange shit when Minho wants to fuck and our schedules don’t line up.”

Byungyoon looks scandalized but Jiho just laughs and continues.

“Minho likes people,” Jiho says. “Sometimes he wants me to control who he gets with and sometimes he just does what he wants with people we’ve hooked up with in the past.”

“I…wouldn’t want that,” Byungyoon says.

“Most people wouldn’t,” Jiho says. “There’s no correct way to be gay.”

“How many people are in that phone? The…secret one?” Byungyoon asks.

"More than you’d be comfortable with knowing,” Jiho says. “But we’re clean. We get tested. If Minho’s attracted to you and wants to, I’ve got no issue. He probably just wanted me to make sure you weren’t fucking with him.”

“I’m not ready for that,” Byungyoon says. “I need to think more.”

“Then I’ll give you my other number,” Jiho says, pulling out his normal phone. “And we can talk as friends.”

Byungyoon smiles, real and genuine. Jiho supposes he can count that as a victory.

-.-

Becoming friends with Byungyoon is a soothing balm to a wound Jiho didn’t even realize he had. His friends are amazing and supportive people. But they can’t understand what he’s trying to do with his new label and why his comeback has to be the best thing he’s ever made. Byungyoon gets it. They trade words of encouragement and advice and complain about the more mundane work.

And sometimes, he’ll get a text in the early morning hours that he’s not sure how to answer.

_Byungyoon_:_ I’ve always said my life is not for me but for God. I don’t know what faith looks like without my every action being in His name (3:02 AM)_

They’re thoughts Jiho’s never entertained. The most painful time of his life was when Minho had left Block B and he’d confronted the reality of what life looked like without him. That day he’d seen Minho debut for the first time without him…he couldn’t stop crying, not when all he could think of was how they were destined to never walk the same path. When he had the chance to have Minho in his life again, God hadn’t been a factor. He couldn’t live for anyone if he’d spent the rest of his life drowning in the level of despair he’d feel without Minho.

But he still prayed. He still loved God and went to church and sang Him praises. Maybe he’s just a massive hypocrite or a liar who’s mastered the art of cognitive dissonance so he can have his cake and eat it too. He’s not really sure. If he were a better Catholic, maybe he’d have the same concerns Byungyoon had.

_Jiho: God doesn’t need us to deny ourselves the way Jesus did. If loving who I do means God doesn’t love me, then I guess He didn’t deserve my worship in the first place (3:11 AM)_

It’s a bit of a bold claim, but it’s true. Maybe that makes him as good as an atheist in Byungyoon’s eyes, but he’s not ever going to be made to feel guilty about what he has with Minho.

_Byungyoon: Isn’t faith believing God’s word? (3:12 AM)_

_Jiho: Faith is believing God will not punish me for loving someone with my entire being (3:12 AM)_

_Byungyoon: Talking to you is like talking to the Devil, I swear (3:13 AM)_

_Jiho: How’s that? (3:13 AM)_

_Byungyoon: You make it seem like sinning has no consequence (3:14 AM)_

Jiho can’t really argue with that, so he doesn’t even try.

-.-

Things don’t come to a head until he gets a text from Minho almost a month later.

_Minho: Do you really think loving me is a sin? (11:07 PM)_

_Jiho: Absolutely the fuck not who told you I did (11:07 PM)_

Except he doesn’t have to ask where he heard such a nonsensical thing – Jiho knows exactly where such a thought would come from. Which is how he finds himself pounding on Byungyoon’s studio door thirty minutes later. A smarter, more mature man would’ve called, or perhaps texted, but Jiho’s been a smart and mature man for a while now and he draws the line at anyone fucking with Minho’s sense of self-worth.

That still doesn’t make his attempted sucker punch when Byungyoon opens the door acceptable. Byungyoon barely ducks just in time. Jiho stumbles and it’s enough to jar him out of his rage. Byungyoon steps back, eyes wide.

“Uh, nice dodge,” Jiho says, straightening.

“What was that for?” Byungyoon asks.

The question reignites his anger almost immediately. “Why’d you tell Minho I said loving him was a sin? Like, seriously, what the fuck? Do you know how often he has to deal with people making him feel like shit?”

"Is that not what you’ve said yourself?” Byungyoon asks, his own frustration clear from his voice.

“No! I don’t care what the Bible or a pastor says. Loving Minho is _not _a sin, and I don’t think the God I worship would fucking ask me to give up the _one_person on this planet who makes me work to be a better person,” Jiho says, trying not to shout. “I’m not a sinner for loving someone. I’m a sinner for a lot of fucking shit but not that. And if you think I am, you can go scream it all to Dispatch, leak all our texts, and see if I give a single, solitary _fuck_about you or your guilt or what anyone else thinks!”

So much for not shouting. He feels so pissed off that he feels sick to his stomach. He’s not even sure where it’s all coming from because he’s not guilty about how he lives his life or anything like that. Maybe it’s just Minho being involved. Protecting Minho from anyone and anything that could hurt him has been a driving force for everything in his life. For better or worse, the instinct is as deep in him as his faith is. He’s not sure what good yelling at Byungyoon will do either of them though.

“Look, I’m-“ Jiho starts.

But Byungyoon shakes his head. “No…no, I get it now. At least, I get _you_.”

Jiho lets out a rough breath, shoulders relaxing. “Oh…”

Byungyoon steps forward and Jiho steps back on instinct, back hitting the studio door. Byungyoon grabs his hand. “’For it is in giving that we receive and it’s in pardoning that we are pardoned.’ I’ve always lived my life by the first part of that prayer, you know? I see myself as an instrument of the Lord. But you…you live your life as the last part and maybe I should take a lesson from your book.”

“What happened to me being the Devil?” Jiho asks, breath hitching as Byungyoon steps closer.

“Anyone willing to let Dispatch out them to the world to defend their lover is living not by the Devil, but as someone who has faith that they will be caught if they fall from grace in the public’s eye,” Byungyoon says. His gaze is intense as he presses close, a hand falling to Jiho’s hip, and the air between them feels charged. “May I kiss you?”

Jiho swallows, throat dry. “Is that really a good idea?”

“I want to know what happens,” Byungyoon says, and he sounds scared even if he looks determined.

“Okay.” Jiho nods. “Okay, yes.”

Byungyoon lets go of his hand to reach up and cup his jaw instead. He presses their lips together in a dry press, his nose bumping Jiho’s cheek and then his nose too. It lasts longer than it should given that neither of them are moving an inch, their lips just pressed together in a seemingly unbreakable connection. And then Byungyoon steps away. He smiles.

“The world didn’t end,” he says.

“No,” Jiho says. “It didn’t.”

Somehow, Byungyoon’s smile gets even brighter and wider. “Thank you. And I…I’m sorry for making you angry.”

“You should apologize to Minho too,” Jiho says. He shakes his head, nervous laughter escaping him. “I can’t believe I tried to punch you.”

“I would’ve wanted to punch me too if I were you,” Byungyoon says. “I’ll text Minho. Don’t worry.”

Jiho nods and then reaches for the studio door. “I’m just gonna…go.”

Byungyoon laughs. “Okay. We’ll talk later. Don’t worry, I have no hard feelings.”

Jiho leaves before he can embarrass himself further.

-.-

Minho is more understanding than Jiho is. When Jiho explains where Byungyoon got his idea from, Minho just sighs and flops back on his bed, petting at Jhonny’s head when she crawls up onto his chest.

“I feel bad for him in a way,” Minho says.

Jiho reaches out to scratch Jhonny’s head. “You’re too nice.”

Minho frowns as he pets Jhonny, brow pinching. “Maybe. I just think maybe he’s you if we never met. I know we don’t talk much about your faith, but I know it’s important to you, even if you never saw being with me as sinful.”

With that framing, Jiho supposes he can see why Minho finds it easy to extend such empathy. It’s hard to imagine his life without Minho. There had never been anyone _but _Minho. Sure, they messed around with other people, but there’s no one he can think of that he could’ve loved the way he did Mino. Maybe Hyoseob if things had been different. But without Minho to make him comfortable with his sexuality in the first place, would he have acted on it? Or would he be like Byungyoon?

The thought is distressing. He swallows and then grabs Jhonny, setting her aside even as she gives a disgruntled hiss, before climbing on top of Minho and pressing their lips together. Minho makes a surprised noise but doesn’t stop him. Jiho doesn’t know how to articulate the feeling in his chest, some all-encompassing mixture of love and gratitude. He wonders if this is what Minho meant all those years ago when he’d stumbled over his words in a desperate attempt to explain why he wanted to touch Taehyun.

“I love you,” he gasps out when Minho’s hands slip under his shirt. “Thank you for being with me…”

“Stupid,” Minho says, tone full of affection. “Being with you is the easiest thing in the world.”

-.-

Jiho thinks that’s the end of it. Byungyoon still texts them both and the two of them meet up for late night drinks at the end of a long day, but Byungyoon doesn’t bring up the kiss. He doesn’t text Jiho’s other phone. Minho asks from time to time and sighs dramatically whenever Jiho tells him Byungyoon still hasn’t asked.

“I just want to suck his dick. Or see him suck mine. Is that so wrong?” Minho asks as he watches Jiho lock up his studio door.

Jiho snorts and shakes his head even as he smiles. “You’re such a slut.”

Minho just grins and slings an arm around his shoulders as they head for the exit. They both freeze when _the_phone pings with the message alert. Minho lets go of him, eyes wide. Jiho pats down his jacket pockets until he locates the phone and yanks it out, punching his passcode in wrong twice before Minho jerks it away and does it for him. Jiho waits as Minho reads the message.

“Are we free right now?” Minho asks.

Jiho grabs for the phone but Minho just gets on his tiptoes and holds it as high as he can. “Who is it?”

“Just tell me if we’re free!”

“Yes, we are-“

Minho ducks away when Jiho jumps up and then tries to grab him, thumbs tapping away at the screen. Then he passes it back, a content smile on his face. Jiho rolls his eyes and checks the messages as they head out of the building.

_Catholic Guilt Boy: If you’re free tonight, I wouldn’t mind seeing both of you at my place (10:17 PM)_

_Jiho: I thought you were going to make me wait all year -kiss emoji- ~Minho (10:18 PM)_

“Did you seriously sign a text?” Jiho asks.

“I didn’t want to drag your reputation down to my level,” Minho says with a laugh. “You’re too shy to be a slut.”

“You are the _literal _worst.”

-.-

Jiho isn’t particularly attracted to Byungyoon. Objectively, he can see the appeal, especially when he’s had to listen to Minho whine about his lips and arms for months. But like most the people they invite to share their bed, Byungyoon becomes infinitely hotter with a shirtless Minho in his lap and Minho’s tongue fucking into his mouth.

It’s different seeing Minho as the more dominant person in an interaction. The bar is low though when Byungyoon won’t lift his hands from where they twist in his bedsheets as Minho rolls his hips and presses down on him.

"_I want you to teach me,” _Byungyoon had said as he’d let them into his apartment.

It’s different than anything else they’ve done before. Jiho hadn’t been sure what exactly Byungyoon meant by ‘teach’ but watching them now, it’s easy to see what he needs help with. Byungyoon has the art of denial mastered.

“Touch him,” Jiho says, shifting to sit next to Byungyoon, back against the headboard.

He watches as Byungyoon’s fingers release their grip on the sheets, but then he goes still. It’s almost a little sad to see.

Minho pulls back before Jiho can say anything else and reaches down to grab Byungyoon’s hands and place them on his hips. Byungyoon looks like he’s about to pass out. Jiho watches as Minho guides one of Byungyoon’s hands up to lay over the flower tattoos that blossom across his chest. Minho’s gaze doesn’t move even an inch as he stares Byungyoon down.

“You can touch me wherever you want. I’m giving you that permission, understand?” Minho asks.

Jiho wonders if he looks that lost and dazed whenever he fucks Minho, because Byungyoon looks like the whole world has suddenly been opened up to him and he has no idea what to do. Minho lets go of his hands, letting his own rest on Byungyoon’s shoulders. For a long moment, none of them move. Then Byungyoon is leaning forward and capturing Minho’s lips in a hungry kiss as he grabs at Minho’s hip hard with one hand and his other slides up to grip the back of Minho’s neck to hold him steady.

It’s nothing like the kiss he’d shared with Jiho all those months ago. That kiss had been chaste, fearful in a way. This one is like he’s possessed, like he’s been starving and thirsty for years and Minho’s lips are the only thing that can give him what he needs. His teeth scrape against Minho’s bottom lip and Jiho knows the sound Minho’s going to make before he makes it, the gasping cry that means he’s slipping into a different head space. He goes lax in Byungyoon’s grip, mouth opening as he whimpers and gasps as Byungyoon continues to press sloppy and wet kisses to Minho’s slack lips. He grinds his still clothed dick against Byungyoon’s bare stomach. Byungyoon breaks the kiss and bites at Jiho’s jaw, a quick nip, but one that makes Minho tremble and cry out again. It jars Byungyoon and he goes still, a terrified look in his eyes.

Jiho remembers the feeling. The first time Minho had made that noise and his eyes had gone glassy, he’d stopped out of fear. And then Minho had crashed hard. At that point, Minho and Taehyun had messed around with dominance and submission enough that Minho knew what was happening. He’d guided Jiho through aftercare with chattering teeth, taking care of them both in a way he shouldn’t have needed to. Jiho’s not scared of it now. He knows how to take care of Minho. Sex is how Minho lets go, how he expresses himself, and he slips easily into a submissive headspace because of it. That doesn’t mean it’s something Byungyoon wants or something he can handle.

“Minho, you can’t go there,” Jiho says, shifting closer. He grabs Minho’s hand and Minho jolts, eyes clearing as he looks at Jiho.

"Sorry,” he says. “Didn’t mean to.”

"Didn’t mean to what?” Byungyoon asks.

“Minho and I are uh…pretty kinky. And Minho’s a submissive, one that’s sensitive enough that he can be pushed into subspace pretty quickly,” Jiho says. “But that’s not something you have to be into. We don’t have to do that.”

Byungyoon glances between them, still looking overwhelmed. Minho reaches out to cup Byungyoon’s face in both his hands.

“We can stop if you want,” Minho says. “And if you want to keep going, I’ll keep control of myself this time.” Minho smiles and Jiho feels his own heart beat faster. “This is about you. I can get kinky stuff whenever I want.”

For a moment, Jiho thinks this is it. It’ll be too much at once for Byungyoon to handle and he’ll back out, maybe wonder if he really was gay because of how different he is from them. But Byungyoon surprises him again.

“I’m…not sure what I did to earn your trust to the point you feel you can let go with me like that. But I’m grateful,” Byungyoon says. Then he begins to flush, gaze averting down. “I don’t think I trust myself to take care of you the way you need. I just don’t have the experience.”

Minho glances at Jiho and when their eyes meet, Jiho can tell they’re thinking the same thing. They may be a little bit in love with Byungyoon. It’s hard not to be when he’s so sincere and caring. Minho recovers first, dropping his hands to squeeze Byungyoon’s shoulders.

"That’s fine. What _do _you want?” Minho asks.

Somehow, Byungyoon’s blush deepens further as he meets Minho’s eyes. “I thought maybe I could…suck your dick?”

Jiho almost chokes on his own breath as Minho’s eyes go wide. He hadn’t seen it coming. But then maybe he should’ve given how desperate Byungyoon had been kissing Minho just a few minutes ago.

“That…we can do that,” Minho says.

Byungyoon looks over at Jiho. “I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

Jiho swallows, mouth suddenly very dry. “I’ll help.”

They rearrange then, Jiho pushing Minho to stand at the edge of the bed with Byungyoon on the ground on his knees. Jiho gets on his knees as well, seating himself on the ground beside Byungyoon and Minho holds his cock in his hand as Byungyoon sets his hands on each of Minho’s hips.

“Nervous?” Jiho asks.

“That obvious?” Byungyoon asks.

"What makes you nervous?” Minho asks.

"I don’t want it to be bad,” Byungyoon says. “But I want to get better at it so I…”

He trails off and Jiho gets what Byungyoon wants. Byungyoon likes someone, maybe even loves them, and he wants to be good at sex by the time he gets up the courage to do something about it. It’s…cute.

"It’s okay,” Jiho says. “We’re here for you to figure out what you like. Minho can be patient.”

His words seem to be what Byungyoon needs to get the confidence to move. He moves forward, mouth opening. His tongue slips over the head of Minho’s cock, one broad stripe followed by another. Then he goes still, like he’s not sure what to do next.

“Put your lips over your teeth and just take the tip in,” Jiho says.

Byungyoon obeys, eyes sliding shut as he takes the head of Minho’s dick into his mouth and giving a slow suck. Minho gasps and then Jiho watches Byungyoon’s tongue slips under to lick at the bottom of the tip and then he pulls off. His own bottom lip is swollen already. Jiho cups the back of his neck and pulls him in for a kiss, licking the taste of Minho’s pre-come from Byungyoon’s tongue.

“Holy shit, you two are so fucking hot, Jesus,” Minho whines out.

Jiho laughs into the kiss and then pulls back, relieved to see Byungyoon looks more relaxed already. “Come on. Do what I do.”

He presses his lips to the side of Minho’s cock and Byungyoon copies the action. Minho’s voice cracks on a garbled mixture of both their names and his hands come down to grasp at the tops of their heads. Jiho slides down to kiss the base of his cock and then slips his tongue along his balls. When he slides back up, his tongue presses against Byungyoon’s. Byungyoon meets his gaze as he moves back to the tip of Minho’s dick and Jiho follows his lead, their lips pressing together as Minho’s knees shake. Jiho pulls back. Byungyoon takes it as a hint to do the same.

His intention is to give Minho a break, but Byungyoon doesn’t seem interested, instead taking hold of Minho’s dick in one hand and sliding his lips over the tip again. He presses down further this time, taking another inch. It’s not much, but the moan that spills from Minho’s lips is borderline devastated. Jiho’s not surprised. It’s not often people want to go down on him, and considering how much Minho likes getting fucked, that’s never really been an issue. Byungyoon however seems determined to master the art of a blowjob.

So Jiho reaches out and moves Byungyoon’s hand in rhythm with the bobbing of his head. Byungyoon catches on quick and brings his other hand up. For a moment, Jiho thinks he’s going to grab Minho’s balls. Instead, Byungyoon rubs his fingers against Minho’s hole, teasing him without even trying to push in.

“Damn you learn fast,” Jiho says as Minho’s hips jerk forward.

Byungyoon pushes himself down further and Jiho can see the moment Minho’s cock reaches the back of his throat from the way his shoulders hunch up and he gags. Minho and Jiho both freeze. Then Byungyoon’s throat shifts as he swallows and he goes down even further, eyes sliding shut even as a few wayward tears escape the corners of his eyes as he goes. He only holds it for a second before he pulls off, coughing into the back of his hand.

“He learns _real _fast,” Minho says, collapsing back to sit on the edge of the bed.

"I just want to get…good at it,” Byungyoon says, shuffling forward to get between Minho’s legs.

Jiho stops him with a hand at the back of his neck before he can start again, heart beating a staccato rhythm against his ribs as he debates if he should really say what he’s thinking. “Good for who? Sungmin?”

Byungyoon goes stiff, breath rushing out of him as he glances at Jiho. “I…”

"It’s okay, you can be honest with us,” Minho says, nudging Byungyoon’s shoulder with his knee. “If you wanna think about him…”

“No, I wouldn’t…I wouldn’t disrespect you like that,” Byungyoon says.

“It’s not disrespectful,” Jiho says, pressing up behind Byungyoon and wrapping an arm around his stomach and hooking his chin over his shoulder. “Can I try something?”

Byungyoon swallows, the noise loud against Jiho’s ear. His voice comes out as a rasp. “Yeah…”

“Get your mouth back on Minho’s dick for me,” Jiho says. “And I want you to close your eyes and imagine he’s Sungmin.”

“Shit…” Minho hisses.

Jiho knows it’s good for Minho too. He knows that more than anything, Minho likes to be of service to people, likes to provide something for them that they can’t get from other people. Being something Byungyoon can use to live out this particular fantasy…well it’s beneficial for everyone.

“I…”

“You don’t have to,” Jiho says, rubbing his thumb along Byungyoon’s stomach. “You can just blow Minho and that’s it…”

Byungyoon trembles, once, a full-bodied shiver, and then leans back into Jiho’s grip. Jiho hugs him close and presses a kiss to his jaw, holding him as he trembles again and takes deep breaths like he’s trying to keep himself calm.

"Is it bad?” he asks, voice quiet.

Jiho meets Minho’s eyes over Byungyoon’s shoulder and finds his own sadness at Byungyoon’s desperate drive to deny himself what he wants reflected back at him. “It’s not bad, I promise. Come on, touch him for me. Touch Sungmin’s dick. I wanna see.”

He wonders if he’s pushed Byungyoon too far when he doesn’t move, but then Byungyoon lets out a shuddering breath and wraps his hand back around Minho’s dick. Jiho doesn’t need to prompt him further. He takes Minho’s cock back into his mouth, sticking to the comfortable rhythm he had found before, but this time he keeps his eyes closed. Minho sighs but otherwise tries not to make any noise. Jiho smiles at him before pressing a kiss to the space under Byungyoon’s ear.

"Bet he’d love it, having you on your knees for him,” Jiho says, voice barely louder than a whisper. “You suck dick so well already, you could take him down further probably.”

Byungyoon moans, the noise escaping between Minho’s cock and his own tongue. Minho slaps a hand over his own mouth to muffle his own noises.

“Yeah, you like that idea huh?” Jiho slides his hand down and grips Byungyoon’s dick through his jeans, squeezing and rubbing the heel of his palm against the length of it. “Do you think he’d tease you, make you beg for it?”

Minho gets the hint and pulls his cock away, leaving Byungyoon’s mouth open partially in surprise and partially from another moan as Jiho squeezes his dick again. Jiho checks to see Byungyoon’s eyes are still closed before looking up at Minho, doing his best to communicate that he wants him to follow along with his eyes. Minho nods.

“Would he tease you, Byungyoon?” Jiho asks. “Rub his dick on your lips and make you wait?”

“Y-Yeah…” Byungyoon gasps when Minho taps his dick against his lower lip, then his tongue, sliding it in before pulling it back out and tapping it against his lower lip again. “F…Fuck…”

Jiho has to take a deep breath to compose himself. If he couldn’t tell from the way Byungyoon’s dick throbs in his hand, the fact that he’d finally gotten Byungyoon to swear form pleasure would tell him how close Byungyoon already was. “You want to suck his dick? Want to suck Sungmin’s dick for him and show him how good you are?”

“Yeah, yes, please, please, Sungmin, please-“ Byungyoon’s voice cracks and he swallows hard as Jiho undoes the zipper of his jeans to get his hand inside and wrap it around his bare cock.

“Come on, let us hear you,” Jiho says. “Just one time, ask him one time.”

Byungyoon’s breath shudders out of him, hips jerking up as Jiho starts jacking his cock with a dry hand. “Please…please I….please let me suck your dick Sungmin, please…”

Minho presses forward again and Byungyoon’s pleas turn to hitching moans as he sucks at the tip again, hands loose and limp in his own lap. Jiho manages another two strokes before Byungyoon comes, whimpering around Minho’s dick before he collapses back into Jiho’s arms, panting through his orgasm in harsh and rough breaths. Jiho holds him as close as he can. He usually gets emotional himself during harder scenes with Minho, but this was hardly a scene, just a bit of dirty talk.

It’s just something about the way Byungyoon clings to his arm and shakes from finally getting past the part of himself that made him want to deny his own desires makes him feel like he’s been through a ringer himself. Perhaps it’s because they have so much in common. If circumstances were just a little different, it could be him in Byungyoon’s position, struggling to be honest with himself.

"You okay?” Jiho asks after Byungyoon’s breathing evens out. “I have to take care of Minho.”

“What about you?” Minho asks.

Jiho shakes his head. “I’m not hard, I’m fine.”

Minho raises his eyebrows and Byungyoon pulls away, turning to look at him. Jiho suddenly wants to run and hide.

“Really?” Minho asks.

“It’s not…I just…got emotionally invested,” Jiho says.

Byungyoon raises his eyebrows too before giving a small huff of a laugh. “That’s…really sweet?”

Minho dissolves into giggles, rolling away from them and up onto the bed as he laughs. Jiho opens his mouth to protest, but then Byungyoon is kissing him, sweet and slow, hands framing his face as he slips his tongue in. He isn’t sure why it doesn’t get him hard. Maybe he really is just too emotional. He likes kissing Byungyoon just fine though.

After a moment, Byungyoon pulls back. “Thank you. That was…very good for me.”

“You’re welcome,” Jiho says.

“Jiho likes to say I’m the one who likes to help people, but he is too,” Minho says from behind them. When they look at him, his dick is already halfway soft. “Can I use your shower? I think I’ll just uh…take care of myself, if no one minds.”

“Yeah, it’s through there,” Byungyoon says, pointing towards a door on the far side of the room. “There’s spare towels in the linen closet inside.”

Minho hops off the bed and gives them each a quick kiss on the top of the head before disappearing into the bathroom. Jiho gets to his feet, helping Byungyoon up after. Byungyoon tugs his jeans off and wipes his come away with them before tossing them towards the hamper.

“You guys wanna stay the night?” Byungyoon asks.

"Do you want us to?” Jiho asks. “I know this didn’t really…go how we planned.”

“I’m sort of glad it didn’t,” Byungyoon says, crossing the room to his dresser and digging out a pair of gym shorts for himself. “I’ve always imagined sex as this thing that happens after you get married to a woman and it’s perfect even though neither of you have any experience and I knew…I knew that wasn’t realistic. This…helps. I mean, it feels weird that I didn’t get either of you off but I don’t know. It takes the pressure off, knowing that sometimes sex doesn’t really go the way you planned but it’s still enjoyable for everyone.”

“Well, at least there’s that,” Jiho says, trying to fight down his own flush of embarrassment. He sits on the end of the bed as Byungyoon changes. “So Sungmin, huh?”

"Yeah,” Byungyoon sighs, wincing. “It’s…I don’t know if that’s going anywhere. I don’t know if it should when I’m still so uncertain about everything.”

“You’ve come a long way in a short amount of time, I wouldn’t stress too hard about it,” Jiho says. All the thoughts he has about their similarities sit on the tip of his tongue, but he’s not sure what good it would do for Byungyoon to hear them. He doesn’t want it to sound as though he pities Byungyoon because he doesn’t. Not really. “I…think I got lucky. Because I was already in love with Minho too deeply, I didn’t get a chance to second guess myself. It’s easier when you’re discovering yourself with another person.”

“So you think I should tell him?” Byungyoon asks as he sits beside Jiho on the edge of the bed.

“I don’t really know him,” Jiho says. “I don’t know how he’d react, or if he’s even capable of returning your feelings. But I know you’re smart, and you care, and I think you’ll make the right decision for yourself.”

Byungyoon nods and then turns his gaze down to his hands where they sit in his lap. “Faith is nice because I don’t have to worry about making decisions for myself. I listen to God. But I suppose it came at the cost of not trusting my own judgment.”

“There’s room for both,” Jiho says, tone earnest in a way that almost makes him want to follow it up with something light-hearted. He doesn’t though. Byungyoon deserves honesty and support, even if it makes him uncomfortable to be so open. “You can have faith in God and yourself.”

"Thanks,” Byungyoon says. “It helps to hear you say that.”

The bathroom door opens and Minho emerges with a cloud of steam with a towel wrapped around his waist. “Do you have something I can wear? I don’t feel like we’re quite at the level for fully nude cuddling while we sleep.”

Byungyoon laughs. “Yeah, hold on.”

Minho beams and Jiho lets himself memorize the warm feeling Minho’s smile leaves him with.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on Tumblr at the same username if you want


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